On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
