im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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