If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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