they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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