I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
