I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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