; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
