HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
