I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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