you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
