Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
