he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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