your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
