I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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