I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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