I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
