He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
