Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
