what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
