I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
