Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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