He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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