week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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