Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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