when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize