its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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