he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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