I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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