I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
