Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
