you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
