What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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