And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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