chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i think i just lost a toe
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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