Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
