I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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