I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
