i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
