The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
zippers are such a cool invention
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
