i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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