Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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