just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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