Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
