If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
NoShamevember. You game?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
