Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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