you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
