Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
