I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
