My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
