Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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