is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
