i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I died a long time ago.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
