i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong