when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.