i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.