Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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