Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize