After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We're too hungover to prance.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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