mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
