I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
