i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
