Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
