Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
