i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
