I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
