i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
