I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am one with the molecules
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
