i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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